Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Cold, Hard Truth: My Realty Check

Housing Market (HM): 7  versus  Sad Little Ole Me: 0

I love Vancouver.  I love living here.  I love that I can easily get to the water, the wilderness, the city and the mountains.  Other than the rain (look at my blog background...rainy mountains.  That isn't simply because it's a pretty picture, folks), I love this place.

What I don't like is that in order to get a bungalow - A BUNGALOW - within Vancouver city limits with a half decent basement suite for my parents, I'm looking at $900,000 at the very least.  Don't even get me started on how much I'd need to get a place on the west side because I just don't want to type that many zeros...my limit is five.

1.  I wanted to look at a house on Wall Street.  They just accepted an offer. HM 1 : Me 0
2.  I wanted to look at a house on East Georgia.  Whoops, they also just accepted an offer. HM 2 : Me 0
3.  I wanted to look at another house on Wall Street.  Guess what?  They accepted an offer. HM 3 : Me 0
4.  I asked to look at a house in Burnaby on Georgia.  Same frickin' deal. HM 4 : Me 0
5.  I begged to look at a house on 18th. No problem to look but it was awful. HM 5 : Me 0
6.  I cried to look at a place on Williams.  Oh, guess what?  They accepted an offer before even putting it up on MLS. WTF?? HM 6 : Me 0  
7.  I looked at another bungalow in Burnaby. We put in a bid - $22,000 over asking. And lost. Some schmuck bid $77,000 over asking with no conditions. Not even a bloody home inspection!!! HM 7 : Me 0 


This past weekend, I tentatively formed a thought that I might go look at a place at the top of our budget.  Until our real estate agent told us that they were expecting multiple offers.

OK Housing Market.  How's about I bid a Million Fricking Bucks and throw in my 2 cats for good measure?  No?  You want my left kidney too?  At this point, I'd almost consider that a good offer but rest assured, I will not allow a medical inspection before signing on the dotted line.

PS: I couldn't find a picture that was completely on point...strangely, Google is not littered with images of people punching each other and climbing over dead grannies and bleeding kittens to sign real estate contracts.  So this lovely picture will have to do.  Just imagine that daddy's nails are dirty because he just buried the last of the bodies of the other bidders in the back garden.  Sadly, he won't get a chance to clean them anytime soon because as soon as their little sweetheart goes to bed, mommy locks herself in the house's only bathroom while she scrubs and scrubs, trying to get the blood off her hands while crying softly so as to not wake their sweet little child.


  1. You're funny. I'm probably going to end up renting for the rest of my life.

  2. Hey, at least I know you'll live a nice, long life! No burial in the back garden for you...unless you bid on a house I'm interested in and then all bets are off.