Sunday, February 21, 2010

Sleepless in (a city just north of) Seattle

It is ridiculous o'clock in the morning.

Scott is asleep.

My two cats are asleep.

Even my baby is asleep.

The whole frigging world is asleep, people!

Correction: The whole frigging world is asleep except me.

Am I asleep? Noooooooooo.

Do I know why the hell I'm awake? Nooooooooooo.

My insomnia began just as Scott and I began working on having Brynn sleep in her own room. Yes, she's been sleeping with us. (pause for your collective gasp) After we brought her home from the hospital, I just couldn't bring myself to put her in her crib to sleep and I was even stressed when we put her into the bassinet next to me in bed. I spent the entire night checking her to make sure that the holes in her lungs hadn't come back. Yes, I know pneumothoraxes don't typically just reform after they've healed but when you're a new mother operating on too little sleep and way too much stress things like logic just don't fly. So, she quickly transitioned to sleeping next to me until just the other night.

I can't say that I miss the incessant stomach kicks and the discomfort of sleeping on one side all night but I do really miss having Brynn sleep with me. Now that she's sleeping in her little crib, I'm sitting down here realizing how much I'm going to miss her tonight. She's sweetly angelic when she's sleeping: loving, cuddly and she smells so wonderfully babylike. (note to self: develop men's cologne that smells like babies and become a billionaire as men everywhere are suddenly mobbed by women unable to help themselves)

I can't help but wonder: is this change in our routine causing my insomnia? Do I toss and turn because I miss my little bambina? Am I still on some level worried about her little lungs? Who knows. This wondering aside, I just want the sleep drought to end because I don't just have bags under my eyes, people, I've got steam trunks. Huge, tired, steam trunks that I can't even blame on my baby. Aaaaugh!

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