38 Weeks

I'm beginning to wonder in all seriousness if it is possible for a baby to burst out of her mother's stomach a la Alien 'cause the way my belly feels right now, I swear that's going to happen any friggin' second. My kid feels huge and I'm 99% sure my skin can't possibly stretch any more without exploding.

I love you Bug but what the hell? Mommy kinda needs her stomach for later and you're not exactly helping things here.

Needless to say, at 38 weeks I'm hoping that my child is born soon. Soon soon. I mean like 5 minutes ago soon, not next week soon. Of course, my impatience is mostly due to my desire to meet my child, but it is also rooted in the fact that I'm having serious problems doing things like sleeping, eating, breathing...you know...life's little luxuries.

The 3D pic and blurb spends much of this week cataloguing the various forms of grossness I have to look forward to over the next few weeks: mucus plug, bloody show, meconium, diaper blowouts and projectile vomit. Read this blurb at your own peril although as a consolation the picture is rather cute.

The Baby Center website seems to be labouring under the false impression that girls weigh less than boys in the womb. Pfft. It is obvious my child and my mother's gaggle of overly large infant girls weren't used to generate that ridonculously misleading generalization. Anyway, they have very little substantive to say this week but that isn't really surprising...Bug is now fully cooked and we're just waiting for her to realize it.

Wait! Did you hear that? It was the kitchen timer screaming "DING" hoping against all hope that it was loud enough that my child heard it. Yes Bug, that noise means you can come out now. Now now, not next week now.

Dear God child, realize it already. Momma can't take too much more of this.