Hand to Mouth

Just in case the title of this post has you wondering: no, this is not another rant about the impossibility of surviving on the financial crumbage the government seems to think is enough to tide people over. Like to see those Conservative fat cats survive on pogey, especially with a kid that grows so fast they could practically hear it.

Nope. Not about that at all.

This is about my daughter's tendency to put everything in her mouth. Normal? Yes. Hygienic? Umm...not so much.

She just doesn't have any fear. I'm a borderline germophobe so this freaks me out to the max. For example, she cries like it is "theeee eeeend of the woooooorld" when I take a moment to wash the soother she's just dropped in some cat litter. Sadly, she doesn't seem to appreciate how lucky she is that I'm not following my instincts and sending it off to some secret government lab to be irradiated after exposing it to the vacuum of space for a month or so. Apparently, germs just don't exist in her little universe yet. Of course, I'll have plenty of time to instill a healthy (and by healthy I mean extreme) fear of germs as she gets older, but in the meantime...shudder.

So here's just a sampling of the items that have found their way into her mouth over the last couple of days despite my best efforts. Some of this stuff is pretty mundane but towards the end, it gets a bit hairy...both literally and figuratively.

Dr. Seuss book
Cover of one of mommy's novels freshly ripped from the book (sob!)
Lint Roller
Daddy's cell phone
Newspaper
Diet Coke bottle (yes, I'm still an addict. Subject for another post.)
Soother
Soother with cat hair on it
Soother that cat had just licked
daddy's clean laundry
daddy's dirty sock
clean diaper
and a near miss of a dirty diaper (phew!)

Sadly, this isn't an exhaustive list and it doesn't even come close to showing everything she's mouthed that has made me cringe or run for the Javex. Javex for the item, not the kid...just in case you were wondering. And yes, I know there's some sicko out there who was wondering just that.

Oops! Gotta go. She's about to chew on the cat.

Postscript: The day after I posted this she decided my left ankle is the most delicious looking thing in creation. Since I'm relatively clean, I'm content to let her gnaw on my leg if it'll keep her from hoovering up dust bunnies and cat litter. Wow...does anyone else think that last sentence makes me sound a) lazy and b) like a slob? Yeah. I think it does too.