At about 3am last night I came up with a brilliant new theory about children. I know my usual 3am fare is usually somewhat suspect, but this one is frickin' brilliant...really.
Every baby is different (I know, I know: Duh!) so the key to good parenting is understanding your baby's personality and I've developed a fantastic new way of doing this. For those of you operating on too little sleep (like me) or those of you who just prefer crib notes, here's the highlights.
The truth according to me (insert trumpet fanfare here): parents and caregivers can understand every single baby out there if they know how that baby's personality and behaviours translates to stuff you find in space.
Here's just a few examples:
Some babies are biiiiiig eaters. They would be the black holes of the baby world, requiring parents to ensure anything they don't want to disappear stays beyond the baby's event horizon (arm's reach).
Some puke at every turn, leaving a trail of milk curds wherever they go. Gross, but it definitely makes them the Milky Way. Caregivers have to just go with the flow and realize their entire house is going to be filled with little trails of white bits until further notice.
Others are simply unable to stay still. They scoot, crawl and then run through life, often leaving a trail of destruction behind them like comets and asteroids. Since an "Armageddon" style solution isn't practical - nobody wants to nuke their kids - this just requires a parent to be proactive and move anything potentially destructible from the child's path.
Some kids go from zero to one hundred in two seconds flat when it comes to temper tantrums. I think of them as solar flares...or in the worst case scenarios, the Big Bang. I recommend building the emotional equivalent to a solar shield to deflect the impact of the anger radiating in your general direction while trying each and every one of the fifty thousand methods that claim to cure a child of temper tantrums.
And some tykes can't handle being more than a couple of feet away from their mothers so they orbit them like satellites. Again, not a whole lot to do except ensure their orbit doesn't decay to the point that they are constantly underfoot or glommed on to mommy's leg. Eventually, they will break orbit on their own and you'll miss that little satellite more than you ever thought possible.
My kid is like Jupiter...one of the universe's larger gassy giants.
Sigh
Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Bloggerly Blathering
The other day I suffered a blow to my fragile artistic ego. I called my mom to chat about a reader's response to my blog only to discover she had no idea which posting I was talking about.
Why? Oh, because she hasn't been reading it lately. At all.
Ummm...
Writing is my thing. My shtick, you know? It always has been. I enjoy it and I like to think I'm reasonably good at it. I know my blog isn't exactly the greatest modern work of the English language (YET!) but it is mine. Whether it is bullshit or brilliance, my mother should be my biggest supporter, right?
Apparently, not so much.
OUCH!
(aaaaaaand cue indignant comment, phone call, or email from mom who is now - or so she says - back to reading my blog on a regular basis)
Why? Oh, because she hasn't been reading it lately. At all.
Ummm...
Writing is my thing. My shtick, you know? It always has been. I enjoy it and I like to think I'm reasonably good at it. I know my blog isn't exactly the greatest modern work of the English language (YET!) but it is mine. Whether it is bullshit or brilliance, my mother should be my biggest supporter, right?
Apparently, not so much.
OUCH!
(aaaaaaand cue indignant comment, phone call, or email from mom who is now - or so she says - back to reading my blog on a regular basis)
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Gisele Bitchen
This is Gisele Bundchen.She had a baby four or five months ago AND she appeared on the cover of Vogue only 3 months after giving birth looking just this fabulous.
So, she either starved herself and worked out all day every day OR the BS she's spouting to the media is true and she's done nothing different and she's just the miraculous beneficiary of what she calls "muscle memory."
Liah liah pants on fiah OR alien mutant? As you can probably guess, I have my suspicions but feel free to decide for yourself.
And either way...what a bitch.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Teething Bites the Big One!
Brynn is teething.Yup. Teething.
Yes, I know how early it is for her to be doing this. I've already had a stern chat with her gums about this, to no avail.
Sigh
So. Now my normally lovely, happy, 0h-so-easy-going baby periodically (and rather unpredictably) morphs into a drooling, screaming banshee who won't eat and who seems intent on shrilling her displeasure directly into her mother's tender ears. It is like she's got some ultrasonic mutant powers going on there and she sure knows how to use them...she turns her head to ensure maximum mouth to ear exposure every single time.
In the baby book, this will euphemistically be referred to as a "developmental milestone" (mommy code for "unspeakably hellish experience") and in my musings on on the subject, I will diplomatically fail to mention that my daughter is the direct cause of the significant drop in my auditory acuity. However, just between you and me, I'm going to admit I love my baby girl but I hate teething.
Boo Teething!
Friday, April 9, 2010
These are a Few of my Favourite Things...
Here's a serious post (for once). I've compiled a basic list of stuff I've tried for those of you who aren't yet parents (or who are buying for those who are not yet parents) 'cause it's a crazy, confusing jungle of products out there that all claim to be the best possible choice for everyone's baby. I don't claim to be an expert, just someone who learned what works for me while slogging through as best I could.
Bottles
Dr. Brown's The Clear Winner - easy to use, baby likes them and they seem to reduce gas as advertised
Born Free Not bad. Easy to use and I have no problem recommending them
Avent Hate them. They tend to create a lot of bubbles if you are mixing formula in them (= gassy baby), they leak, and the nipples don't seem to appeal to many babies I know.
Diapers
Cloth Not in this lifetime. They invented disposables for very good reason, in my opinion. Ewwwww.
Huggies Ditto. They suck. Hard to use for first time parents and everyone who changed Brynn while we tried these suckers out felt that they lack clear signals to help newbies tell if the baby needs changing.
Pampers I love these and so does Scott. The Swaddlers are our faves and happily, we just found a size that will fit our little Bug until she hits 22 pounds. I especially liked that the newborn sized Swaddlers have a yellow line that turns blue when wet. It made life easier for everyone while we learned Brynn's cues (ie. which cry is "I'm wet, you idiot, change me" as opposed to "I'm hungry, you idiot, feed me" or "I'm tired, you idiot, shut up and let me sleep.")
Strollers
Uppababy and Bob are my two faves for their maneuverability and convenience factors. I can one hand steer either of these two (I only have an Uppababy but I've tried a Bob) and they are easy to steer over just about any kind of terrain. Bob has an advantage on rough ground but since you can't fully recline a Bob to accommodate a newborn, I decided the Uppababy was the way for us to go.
One drawback? The sunshade on the Bob and Uppababy are not part of the stroller per se and they aren't as convenient to use as one I recently used while borrowing a friend's Graco. My advice is to talk to as many friends as possible and be prepared to spend at least a couple of days shopping to make sure you get the most bang for your buck (who wants to spend the $$ to buy a stroller only to realize it isn't right for you later on?)
Another drawback? The ones I like are NOT cheap. Remember though, you get what you pay for and I can say with 100% certainty that I would not regret spending that extra money on either the Uppababy or the Bob since it is something I'll be using for years.
Clothing
I recommend checking out places like Superstore (their Joe line for kids is awesome and very affordable) as well as Winners. Gap now has something called "Sprize" which negates the need to wait for sales. You go in, buy whatever you want, and once those items go on sale, they refund the difference to you on a card you can use to go to back to the Gap to buy whatever else you might need for your growing baby (or your shrinkin' self, for that matter).
Don't be afraid to pre-buy. I just recently bought winter stuff on a massive discount for Brynn that will fit her when she's 1 and 2. I have soft under bed storage bags that I'm using to store this stuff and it'll save me loads of cash in the future.
Don't overbuy. ie: don't go crazy on baby clothes. You'll probably be given tonnes of the stuff and at the rate babies grow, you'll be lucky if your child wears each "oh so cute" outfit more than once or twice before growing out of it, especially in the early months when weight gain and growth are on overdrive. You can always go out and buy more if you need it but more than likely it won't be a major issue.
So that's the skinny on a few of my favourite things. Of course, since I'm known to have a strong opinion about just about everything, you can expect more of these lists in future.
Bottles
Dr. Brown's The Clear Winner - easy to use, baby likes them and they seem to reduce gas as advertised
Born Free Not bad. Easy to use and I have no problem recommending them
Avent Hate them. They tend to create a lot of bubbles if you are mixing formula in them (= gassy baby), they leak, and the nipples don't seem to appeal to many babies I know.
Diapers
Cloth Not in this lifetime. They invented disposables for very good reason, in my opinion. Ewwwww.
Huggies Ditto. They suck. Hard to use for first time parents and everyone who changed Brynn while we tried these suckers out felt that they lack clear signals to help newbies tell if the baby needs changing.
Pampers I love these and so does Scott. The Swaddlers are our faves and happily, we just found a size that will fit our little Bug until she hits 22 pounds. I especially liked that the newborn sized Swaddlers have a yellow line that turns blue when wet. It made life easier for everyone while we learned Brynn's cues (ie. which cry is "I'm wet, you idiot, change me" as opposed to "I'm hungry, you idiot, feed me" or "I'm tired, you idiot, shut up and let me sleep.")
Strollers
Uppababy and Bob are my two faves for their maneuverability and convenience factors. I can one hand steer either of these two (I only have an Uppababy but I've tried a Bob) and they are easy to steer over just about any kind of terrain. Bob has an advantage on rough ground but since you can't fully recline a Bob to accommodate a newborn, I decided the Uppababy was the way for us to go.
One drawback? The sunshade on the Bob and Uppababy are not part of the stroller per se and they aren't as convenient to use as one I recently used while borrowing a friend's Graco. My advice is to talk to as many friends as possible and be prepared to spend at least a couple of days shopping to make sure you get the most bang for your buck (who wants to spend the $$ to buy a stroller only to realize it isn't right for you later on?)
Another drawback? The ones I like are NOT cheap. Remember though, you get what you pay for and I can say with 100% certainty that I would not regret spending that extra money on either the Uppababy or the Bob since it is something I'll be using for years.
Clothing
I recommend checking out places like Superstore (their Joe line for kids is awesome and very affordable) as well as Winners. Gap now has something called "Sprize" which negates the need to wait for sales. You go in, buy whatever you want, and once those items go on sale, they refund the difference to you on a card you can use to go to back to the Gap to buy whatever else you might need for your growing baby (or your shrinkin' self, for that matter).
Don't be afraid to pre-buy. I just recently bought winter stuff on a massive discount for Brynn that will fit her when she's 1 and 2. I have soft under bed storage bags that I'm using to store this stuff and it'll save me loads of cash in the future.
Don't overbuy. ie: don't go crazy on baby clothes. You'll probably be given tonnes of the stuff and at the rate babies grow, you'll be lucky if your child wears each "oh so cute" outfit more than once or twice before growing out of it, especially in the early months when weight gain and growth are on overdrive. You can always go out and buy more if you need it but more than likely it won't be a major issue.
So that's the skinny on a few of my favourite things. Of course, since I'm known to have a strong opinion about just about everything, you can expect more of these lists in future.
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