The Battle for Princess Madeline - Book Review

When I picked up the Battle for Princess Madeline by Kirstin Pulioff I wasn’t sure what to expect. To me, fairytales are best when they are either sweet little stories to tell my three year old or tongue-in-cheek NC17 satires. 

Scenario number 1: The Disney Love Story

Prince Whathisface needs a wife.  Sweet young SoandSo is the adolescent male's ideal: barely nubile at 16 years old, sweetly stupid, gorgeous, etc. and she just happens to be single. 

HORRORS! SHE MUST FIND A HUSBAND, PRONTO! 

Before we know it, SoandSo meets Whatshisface and they inexplicably fall in love without mumbling so much as an awkward, “Uh, hi.”  Trouble ensues, SoandSo is separated from good old Whatshisface, and everything goes sideways until a deus ex machina materializes, solving everything tidily.  This frees Whathisface and SoandSo to begin their own Teen Mom reality TV franchise, Medieval style.  

Butterflies and rainbows abound.

Scenario Number 2: Cinderella Meets the Sopranos

Yo! Prince Whatshisface needs a wife, already.  He's happily single, a raging alcoholic with a gambling problem and an expensive goomah but then his loan shark tells him he’s in danger of losing his shiny new Italian carriage and his ability to walk unless he pays his debts, like yesterday.  

HORRORS! HE MUST FIND A RICH WIFE, PRONTO!

The D-bag trolls the kingdom looking to marry a rich yet stupid young virgin who doesn't know he's gavone.  Enter young SoandSo.  She is new to the kingdom and loaded so she becomes Whatshisface’s target-of-choice.  They meet at a rave but Prince Whatshisface comes off (surprise!) sounding less-than-charming.  SoandSo kicks him to the curb in front of his friends and, in a moment of cocaine-induced psychosis, Whatshisface decides, “She's not going to get the best of me!” He kidnaps her, hoping that Stockade Stockbroker uh...Stockholm Syndrome will kick in at some point and she’ll agree to marry him before his loan shark kicks in his kneecaps.  

Eventually, Whatshisname decides to force the issue and marry her: willing or not.  He slips her a couple of roofies, manhandles her in the trunk of his carriage and heads to the local drive-through wedding chapel.  When she wakes up to hear the guy say over the speaker if anyone has an objection let them speak now or forever hold their peace she lets her fists do the talking – she knocks out Whatshisname's teeth and escapes.  SoandSo capitalizes on the notoriety and respect she gets from standing up to Whatshisface to poach manpower from other gangs.  Then, she takes over the kingdom's cartels and is forever known as the Godmother.  

Cannolis and RICO violations abound.

The Real Story

At first glance, I thought THE BATTLE FOR PRINCESS MADELINE looked like it would kind of/sort of fit into the first category.  There certainly weren't any roofies, goomahs or cannolis mentioned in any of the book reviews I read so I thought it was a pretty safe bet that scenario 2 wasn't a go.  The thing was, even though Prince Paulsen needs a wife and Princess Madeline is sweet, gorgeous, and barely nubile at 16 years old,  that's where the resemblance to scenario 1 ends.  In other words, no one in this book busts out into song and there weren't any schmaltzy romantic montages.  (Insert fist pump!)  In case you haven’t already guessed, I was pretty damn happy when I realized this book wasn't going to cutesy me into submission.   

As someone with a daughter, I shudder to mention it but this book's 16 year old princess is engaged. Initially I was all like, “Ohmahgawd. What kind of a, like, example is that for my kid?”  I was tempted to go back to my normal Tuesday activities (drinking myself into a stupor while watching Toddlers and Tiaras) but then my left brain kicked in, reminding me that this was pastoral fantasy so a 24 year old would probably be considered an unmarriageable hag while a 16 year old would be prime marriage material.   

That dilemma resolved, I dove into the book.  I quickly discovered that I was (for the second time this summer) in the position of being pleasantly surprised by something I was reading.  In particular, I was excited by the quality of Pulioff's writing, not because I didn't think she would be a good writer, but because I (mistakenly) assumed mid grade fiction would require shorter, choppier writing to accommodate the limitations of younger readers.  (Whaaat? I talk about booze and Tramped up Toddlers and you don't blink but you get all huffy when I say I thought kids needed simpler writing?  Remember, I typically read adult fiction or my daughter's coma-inducing Pinkalicious books, people - I don't exactly have any recent MG experience to draw on.)  Instead, this book has a nice flow and there are more than a few moments in this story where young readers will be exposed not only to good writing at a comfortable MG level but good writing at any level. I'm a big believer that the best books have story and flow and this one has both.    

One thing that was a bit of a problem for me was that Madeline is presented as an independent and intelligent young woman but she occasionally made some very strange decisions that just don’t seem to jibe with those qualities.  For example, she assumed that her enemy’s scum-of-the-earth lackeys would feel bound by the rules and conventions of the knightly code of chivalry when she offered herself up to them as a hostage/distraction at a pivotal point in the story.  Given the riff raff Paulsen had in his army, she should have ended up on a milk carton or a front runner in next year’s Darwin Awards.  Luckily for her, in her world there is honour amongst irredeemable psychopaths so she survives - honour unbesmirched -  to (presumably) head up a third instalment in this quality series.  In the end, I guess it boils down to this: she's 16 years old.  Lucky?  Yes.  Street smart?  Eeeeh...not so much.

Aside from this one minor quibble, I really enjoyed this book.  It is definitely written with a mid-grade reader in mind but this particular adult enjoyed it as a nice, light read.  It is also one book in a series I guarantee I will be reading with my daughter when the time comes to introduce her to the mid grade reading level. 

I'm giving this book my enthusiastic recommendation and 4.75 stars out of 5.

Kirstin and her books can be found on Facebook, Twitter, Amazon and Goodreads.

The Word of the Nerd

I often refer to myself as a Geek but according to this handy dandy visual aid, Nerd is probably the more accurate term. I'm an intelligent woman with any number of specialized interests who isn't a tekkie but who can navigate her way around a computer, loooooves shiny new gadgets and is addicted to video games.

In other words, I am a Nerd who lives on the border of Geekdom: I'm a Nerk.

Back in the day, I wasn't so happy about that.  I spent almost my entire school career trying to hide from bullies so when I moved to a new city at the end of grade 10, I saw it as an opportunity:

      new city + new school = shiny new me.

I buried my love of all things Scifi and Fantasy in a shallow grave, gave away my comic book collection, left my books in storage, quit drama and band, pretended to be scholastically challenged and immersed myself in "teen social life" i.e. clothes, boys, and parties. I hung out with the cheerleaders and athletes and, I cringe to admit it now, I actually chose to become the human equivalent of cotton candy: bright, pretty and absolutely substanceless.

  Initially it was great.  I was accepted.  I was popular.  I was...borrrrred?

Although I had everyone fooled, my personality/popularity reno quickly went off the rails, leaving me almost as miserable as being bullied had.  Eventually I couldn't hack it any more.   I unpacked my books.  I began writing again and I stopped hiding my marks.  Then, I sealed my social fate and began spending my time doing what I wanted with people who shared my real interests.  Needless to say, it wasn't long before I was asked to turn in my pom poms. Whatever. In the end I found some new better friends who maybe didn't share all of my interests but who were OK with who and what I was: a nerdistic wunderkind.

  ***Fast forward a few years...ok, ok...a LOT of years***

Now, I wear my Nerkiness proudly - it is a badge of honour.  

1. I make Joss Whedon, LOTR, Red Dwarf and Star Trek references all the time.
2. I can list all of the Dr. Who's and their respective companions in my sleep although I'm most likely to do so when bribed with a few drinks.
3. I can identify any Star Trek episode from any series (Star Trek, Star Trek NextGen, DS9, Voyager, and Enterprise) no later than 10 seconds into a random clip provided it isn't the intro or credits.   (I highly recommend cultivating this skill because it's a great Nerk party trick.)
4. My calendar is filled with reminders to PVR new Scifi and Fantasy shows and my social calendar is usually pretty limited on Sundays because of that's Game of Thrones/True Blood/The Walking Dead/Lost Girl/Dr. Who night.
5. If it has vampires, werewolves, elves or zombies in it, I'm reading or watching it - guaranteed. If it involves time and/or space travel? Ditto.
6. Steampunk is my new catnip. I lurrrrve me some Steampunk.
7. I have always, always, always got at least 2 Scifi or Fantasy books on the go and I'm now writing my own.
8. I don't fantasize about asking Brad Pitt, Charles Dickens or Abraham Lincoln to pass the salt because my fantasy "who would you invite to dinner" list is populated with Scifi/Fantasy writers and people you would find mobbed by geeks at a Comic-Con convention. 

I know who and what I am and I'm comfortable in my own skin. Hell, I love being a Nerk and I think everyone should aspire to embrace their inner nerd, dork, dweeb or geek because it really is extremely liberating.

And that, my friends, is the word of the Nerd.

New Author Blogs to Challenge the Guardian's Literary Snobbery

There's an article making the rounds online: "Top Novelists Look to E-Books to Challenge the Rules of Fiction," by Vanessa Thorpe, an arts and media correspondent for the UK Guardian.  Ms. Thorpe's article is about author and innovator Iain Pears' development of a new and enhanced eBook format that he expects will take the platform to a whole new level.  She also spoke to authors Blake Morrison and Will Self to get their opinion about its potential to transform the typically staid genre of literary fiction.

On the surface, this article is a pretty bland piece about a group of authors discussing one possible way to capitalize on the rise of the eReader but its subtext is horribly snobbish.  Ms. Thorpe clearly broadcasts that as a genre, fantasy shouldn't be taken seriously and its authors are inferior to those who specialize in other forms of fiction but in such a way that she isn't actually taking ownership of it.

"Online fiction is a remote world, peopled by elves, dragons and whey-faced vampires. At least that is the view shared by millions of devoted readers of the printed novel. But now serious British literary talent is aiming to colonize territory occupied until now by fantasy authors and amateur fan-fiction writers."

Despite her weak attempt to deflect any criticism by attributing this view to "millions of devoted readers of the printed novel," the article's messaging makes it clear that Thorpe shares or wants to appear to share that negative opinion about fantasy.   She characterizes Pears, Morrison and Self as "acclaimed authors" and "serious...literary talents" while dismissing fantasy as a garbage genre analogous to amateur fan fiction or fanfic - a subgenre many see as being populated by poorly written works created by would-be writers incapable of dredging up an original idea.  Let me be clear: I am not one of those people who thinks fanfic is bad.  I think there are any number of fanfic writers out there who are amazingly talented and it's a way for people to work on their craft while paying tribute to authors and characters who have inspired them.  Yes, I get that their work creates copyright concerns but let's just leave that to another blog, shall we?  Of course, on the other side of the coin are the fanfic writers out there who are...hmm how shall I say it...ah yes, they're 50 Shades of Barftastic.  Clearly, I don't want to be compared to them, but the rest of fanficdom? Sure! The more the merrier.

On to my major objection to this article: the reporter's unjustifiably biased messaging against fantasy.  It is perfectly fine for Vanessa Thorpe to prefer or want to appear to prefer other genres but that doesn't justify the snobbishly prejudicial tone of her article's reference to fantasy and fantasy authors.  Whether she knows it or not, fantasy can be just as serious and seriously well-written as books from any other genre, even "serious literary fiction" and I've got the bookcases full of quality work to prove it.  Just off the top of my head, I can list five of my favourite authors' works that fit the bill (in no particular order):

     1.  J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings trilogy;

     2.  Michelle West's The Sun Sword series;

     3.  Tad Williams' Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn series;

     4.  George R.R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire series; and

     5.  Guy Gavriel Kay's The Fionavar Tapestry series.

What's frustrating is that there are too many others I would love to mention but it isn't practical to list them all in one little blog entry.

I know readers won't care if Ms. Thorpe's "serious literary talents" (i.e. not fantasy authors) are online and interactive.  They will choose what to read based on who and what they like and bells and whistles added to an eBook aren't going to change that.  If readers like historic fiction, then Iain Pears may end up on their eReader.  If they like satire, then maybe they'll read Will Self.  And if biographies, thrillers and other fiction are their cup of tea then they might spring for a Blake Morrison offering.  Fine. I have no problem at all with that and I have to admit, these three are pretty impressive so I might give them a whirl too.  However, that doesn't change the fact that if readers enjoy well-written fantasy they aren't going to pick up a Pears, Self, or Morrison; they're going to look to authors like the ones I've listed above or maybe - when I finish my book - to me.  Here's hoping. 

I guess what it all boils down to is that I think Vanessa Thorpe should examine why she feels the way she does about fantasy or why she thinks she should feel that way because it isn't based on an informed and unbiased assessment of the genre's offerings.  She and anyone else who thinks fantasy is garbage should read one (or better yet, all) of the authors I mentioned above before dismissing it because there is plenty of quality fantasy out there, both serious and lighter fare, that is well worth the read.